tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
