We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
