youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
