I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize