he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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