I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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