I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
