Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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