the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
