trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
