We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
