Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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