you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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