I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
