can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
