how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You smell like stripper and shame
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
