he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
