WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We need a shit load of segways right now
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
