hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
This toilet bowl is my home.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
