So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize