I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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