I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Randomize
