I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
worst night to have a conscience
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
as a side note pls kill me
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