Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You are the jesus of drinking
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
