Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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