he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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