I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Everyone says I win the strip club
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Randomize
