her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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