Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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