got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
