are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
All the doctor said was why
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize