we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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