Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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