Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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