Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
