My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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