I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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