Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So much rum. So many feels.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
