My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
