Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
