Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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