im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
