Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
