Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
