i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
