I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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