whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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