I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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