Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I want her autograph on my taint
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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