A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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