Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
