I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
