he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
