My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
