No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
