She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
