i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
