You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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