Need sex. Gaining weight.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize