she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
