I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize