garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Randomize
