Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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