It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I want a musical about memes.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
