so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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