A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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